I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am mentally ready for anal.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
