she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
