we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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