Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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