headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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