If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
