Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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