I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
