I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm at about main and main street
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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