i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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