Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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