uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
