But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
