I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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