We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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