I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
