I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
