I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
