well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
