i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
