i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
