i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
