you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
