Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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