Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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