i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
