If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
