here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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