i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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