Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
