Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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