i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
