put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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