I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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