I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
