I looked at my own cervix.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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