you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
