matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
