I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
