On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
nutella sex= disaster
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
