No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
