I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You did what with his pubic hair?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
