Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
