Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
