Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
