Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
