just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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