Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
