My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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