I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
