last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
