I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
