i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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