you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
