im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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