This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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