i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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