So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
