I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
