I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This baby is an asshole
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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