What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
