Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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