nut hugger
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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