How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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