it's like heaven, but drunker
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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