Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
