My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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