Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Success! We fucked roommates!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
