Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
